Flare Testing Oops!

Names withheld to protect the guilty

As a Fire Lieutenant for a large city fire department I am often asked if I have ever saved someone's life. I answer yes, but I hesitate to tell them about the Rocket flare incidents. I'll tell you since you have an interest in flares. It started with the discovery of 2 out dated marine rocket flares in our training center office. The label said they would go 1000 ft in the air and the flare would burn brightly as it parachuted to the surface. My partner Eddie Haskel (name changed) and I thought it would be interesting too shoot one off inside the building where we worked, however we were both too smart to actually pull the trigger. Many firefighters come through our office every day. I assumed that we would never find anyone willing to participate. I underestimated our power of persuasion.

I directed Gomer (name changed) to aim the flare through the door of my 8x10 office into a larger classroom beyond so we could better observe the flares flight pattern. Just as Gomers finger was pressing tightly on the mechanism a human body appeared in the very doorway we were aiming for. I stated something like "whoa!" and disrupted Gomers aim. Life number one saved. The flare never made it out of my office but left several burn marks on various walls and the floor. I can tell you that after the rocket runs out of propulsion the flare burns for an awfully long time and dry chemical extinguishers hardly affect them.

After an evening of cleaning up dry chemical mess we were back at work the next day. Flare number 2 sat on my desk. News travels fast on the fire dept and everyone had heard about the Rocket flare incident. No one would be foolish enough to shoot another rocket flare inside a building. Again I underestimated. Bevis (name changed) uncorked the flare and flipped the mechanism out stating "these are just like the ones we have in the military" He planted the rocket tip in his abdomen and put his thumb on the firing mechanism. I stated something like "whoa!" and I told Bevis he could seriously hurt himself if that went off. He promptly turned the rocket flare over and correctly deployed it. Life number 2 saved. For the second time in 2 days I had a rocket flare bouncing around in my 8x10 office. Needless to say I was an old hand at this so I grabbed a metal garbage can and flicked the still burning flare into it and raced outside. I managed to blister 6 of my finger tips from holding onto the garbage can, but the clean-up was a lot simpler.

What we learned:

If you fire three rocket flares off in your office you will probably get fired. Two rocket flares just gets you some stiff punishment and a stigma that haunts the rest of your career.

Dry chemical extinguishers do nothing to rocket flares but it will eat the guts out of your vacuum cleaner.

If you have out dated rocket flares and want to dispose of them; give them to the police not the fire dept.

Forgive me for not signing this in my usual fashion.

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